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The Job Blog

Confessions of a Detoxer

I’ve done a few juice cleanses in the past and figured the first week back at work in January was a wonderful starting point for a 5 day detox. Get me back on the straight and narrow and whatnot following the best part of 2 months of sheer excess. Onwards and upwards for 2014..!

Drink Fresh Juice is definitely the most convenient juice cleanse available on island in my recommendation. Fresh delivers you a full set of juices, shots and teas first thing every morning (to your home or office) so you’re all set for the day. Slurping back a large shot of aloe vera at 08:05 is not the vibe people… not the vibe. But you get used to it and I’m told it has all sorts of wonderful antioxidants and nutrients and is basically man’s best friend. Sure.

Fresh recommends the juices are consumed in order from the greenest to the fruitiest over the course of the day. There’s even a cayenne pepper infused ‘Master Cleanse’ designed to suppress your appetite which you can sip on throughout the day whenever hunger pangs strike. Last thing at night you can unwind with a bottle of wine cup of detox tea.

Juice cleanses, like most diets, are simple in theory but require discipline in practice. Day 1 is certainly the easiest (ovbs) and if you’ve followed the tips provided by Fresh you’ll have eased yourself into the cleanse in the proceeding days. Oh you haven’t? Don’t worry, me neither. I also do the cleanse with my flatmate for moral support. Don’t underestimate the power of joint determination (or misery depending on where your heads are at).

Luckily a busy day in work followed by the first Power class of the Bliss 30 Day Yoga Challenge keeps my mind from wandering to dark places like Nutella stuffed croissants.

I wake up feeling quite energetic on day 2 and ready to conquer the world. I can’t bring myself to drink a pint of water with sea salt in it so skip that bit. By the time I get to the office my juices have already been delivered and a kale heavy Super Green Veg is awaiting me. This pattern is to be repeated until Friday so it’s quite easy to stay on the wagon. Doing yoga is actually a wonderful distraction and keeps you away from the sofa in the evenings so I highly recommend it.

Having completed a few juice cleanses in my time I’ve concluded that the emotions experienced throughout are comparable to the 5 stages of grief:

  1. Denial – Day 1. Surely it can’t be juice ONLY for 5 whole days, like is that even humanly possible?
  2. Anger – Day 2. Why am I doing this? Why does this taste so green? I miss chewing.
  3. Bargaining – Day 3. If I have one chip / cracker / sandwich surely it’s no big deal? I’ll get back on the juice in the morning and even attempt the salt…?
  4. Depression – Day 4. Is this actually my life now? I’m a good person and deserve carbs. I’m not sure I’ve another 24 hours in me.
  5. Acceptance – DAY 5! I made it! Well not quite but nearly… another 12 hours won’t kill me. Keep on keepin’ on.

Day 6… it’s over! Like really this time. WELL DONE ME!!!

I leap out of bed with vim and vigour pepped up on juice endorphins. If you’re like me chances are you’ve made some elaborate breakfast plans to celebrate your accomplishment but be prepared to be not as hungry as you expect and actually not too pushed about food. Weird but true.

Hit the scales and high five yourself in the mirror for being down a few pounds (and for arguably being a better human being than you were on Monday). Caesar salad in hand bask in the memory of the hangry girl you once were. Detox complete!